I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
