Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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