what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
