she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
