the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
