hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
