he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
