there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
