Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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