Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
