just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
