my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
