Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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