the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
