No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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