Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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