Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
