i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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