He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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