This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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