we have officially lost it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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