Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
