Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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