I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize