I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
me + whiskey = a bad person
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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