Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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