I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
