I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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