We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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