Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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