dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
