i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
