I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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