we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
