his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
