I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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