Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
