I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize