I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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