i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
