at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
