I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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