The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
