alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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