when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
