I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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