i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
