I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
