just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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