I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
