he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
